A muslim got to do what a muslim got to do

Kadang-kadang kita pening tengok karenah sesetengah muslimin di Malaysia.

Sebab, untuk memahami konsep sebenar sebagai umat Islam pun, ramai yang masih keliru, atau ambil mudah. Ini satu peringatan buat diri saya juga sebenarnya.

Kebenaran yang pasti, Islam itu untuk setiap ketika dan keadaan. Tapi hari ini apa yang kelihatan ternyata bukan seperti yang sepatutnya.

Contohnya, ada yang bersolat fardhu lima waktu tetapi mengumpat. Ada yang mengaku Islam tapi panas baran. Ada yang berpuasa di bulan Ramadhan tapi menghadiri konsert-konsert artis barat. Bila ditanya, adakah awak beriman kepada Allah? Dia jawab ya. Tapi ‘awek’ kat belakang tu, apa cerita?

Jadi di sini jelaslah masyarakat kita menganggap Islam itu satu entiti yang berbeza dalam kehidupan mereka. Islam itu ibadah, solat, kahwin, pengebumian. Tapi tentang cara hidup, contohnya konsep sabar, menjauhi riba, mengawal marah, menjaga pergaulan, menjaga tatatertib sampailah konsep pemanduan berdisiplin di jalanraya; ramai yang anggap itu tiada kaitan dengan Islam. Bila dikaitkan dengan  Islam, mereka berkata, "ah, dosa kecil je".

Kita melihat dosa kecil itu memang dosa kecil. Tapi apabila dosa kecil diambil mudah dan tiada usaha untuk menghentikannya, bukankah itu boleh membawa kepada dosa besar? Apa hukumnya mempersendakan syariat? Walaupun apa yang dibawa syariat itu isu yang kecil, kalau kita mempersendakannya, maka itu satu masalah besar!

Ada yang dengan beraninya melakukan hal-hal yang tidak disukai, malah dilarang oleh agama. Kemudian mereka langsung tidak merasa bersalah pula. Benar mereka jahil, tidak tahu, tapi sekurang-kurangnya tidakkah kita sedar bahawa Allah sentiasa memerhatikan kita? Tidakkah kita sedar orang bukan Islam sedang melihat gelagat kita yang pelik-pelik dan mereka berkata, "ha, inilah perangai orang Islam".

Akhirnya, nama baik Islam diconteng. Salah siapa? Salah penganutnya sendiri.

Sengaja saya berceloteh lebih sedikit dalam post kali ini sebab saya sedang merasa sangat tidak senang setelah telrihat gelagat sesetengah remaja muslim. Kasihan, bagaimanakah nasib masa depan mereka? Anak-anak mereka?

Semua ini satu tazkirah buat saya juga yang turut tidak dapat lari daripada kesilapan. Harapan saya kita tidak akan berputus asa daripada bertaubat dan memperbaiki diri setiap masa dan ketika.

Sama-sama kita mendoakan untuk kebaikan masyarakat Islamiah di sekeliling kita. Sudah lama kita mengidamkan masyarakat Islam yang teguh iman, aman dan harmoni, berdisiplin, dan berjaya dalam kehidupan, sehingga menjadi contoh dan tauladan kepada orang bukan Islam. Inilah apa yang Islam mahukan daripada penganutnya. Akhirnya, Islam akan dikagumi!

Semoga saat itu akan tiba. Amin

Assalamua’laikum

Saya sangat berminat untuk menghasilkan satu buku tentang psikologi dan teknik dakwah.

Saya bercadang untuk jadikan ini sebagai satu projek sambilan saya di masa lapang, memandangkan sebagai seorang pelajar saya memang sibuk. Proses penulisan buku ini mungkin mengambil masa bertahun-tahun.

Memandangkan penulisan buku sebegini memerlukan kajian dan fakta-fakta yang tepat, saya memerlukan banyak bantuan untuk memudahkan kerja.

Jadi saya sangat berharap untuk mendengar kisah-kisah dan pengalaman dakwah yang anda pernah alami. Sama ada anda berdakwah atau didakwahi, baik dakwah tersebut menjadi ataupun tidak, saya berminat untuk tahu supaya dapat dianalisa, seterusnya jika perlu pengalaman itu akan dibincangkan bersama orang-orang yang lebih mengetahui tentang ilmu dakwah atau psikologi. Kemudian jika perlu saya boleh jadikan pengalaman yang anda kongsikan tersebut sebagai contoh-contoh yang boleh diletakkan dalam buku itu nanti.

Kalau anda ingin berbincang dengan saya, bukan hanya setakat menghantar, tentang cerita yang anda ingin kongsi, saya sentiasa tidak keberatan dan sangat mengalu-alukannya. Insya Allah.

Jika anda ada pengalaman dakwah yang ingin dikongsi, atau ingin dibincangkan, boleh mesejkan kepada saya melalui friendster, emel saya (hairi_m@hotmail.com) ataupun boleh saja berhubung terus dengan saya.

Jazakumullahu khair, semoga Allah merahmati usaha kita semua.

Communication is an art than we need to master. Our social wellbeing depends on it. You can get killed, or raised to become a king, just because of your tongue.

Master the art of communication and you’ll off towards a happy life.

Here I would like to illustrate some of the common difficulties people faced in the process of communication, and suggestions on how we can avoid or overcome them.

Situation 1: You argue with another person to tell him that he is wrong regarding a certain issue. He loses in the argument but then ending up hating you. You manage to prove your point but you lose a friend.

This is a common problem, isn’t it?

People have their own pride. They do not like to be stepped-up onto. Whenever you try to correct them for their mistakes, at the same time there’s a great risk that you will lower their pride by making them to think that they are being stupid.

So this means that whenever you attempt to correct an individual, you are facing two problems. One is to have him corrected. Second is to make sure that he will not lose his pride.

So the trick is, firstly, admit that you are just trying to give an opinion. Then tell him you can be right or wrong. Address your weakness, and then you begin saying what you want to correct. Always allow him to interrupt you, and smile a lot. Patience if crucial. You want him to be corrected, and yet you want him to realize that you are really respecting him as a friend.

*Remember, when addressing yourself, be humble SINCERELY and GENUINELY. Do not be humble for the sake of just trying to influence other people, this is not right!

For example, you can say things like: "I just want to tell you something, for the sake of the facts not to disagreements. Please take note that I am just giving an opinion, which can be wrong, and infact I’ve done many mistakes in the past. Now, regarding the thing you said the other day, don’t you think it is better if bla bla..". In the process, always be kind and gentle. Patience is crucial.

The conclusive point here is: When arguing, a simple comment may make a person loses his pride, so you have to make him realize that both you and him do mistakes (we are humans!).  This will open his mind to be receptive to corrections, because corrections are always beneficial. Isn’t everybody always like have themselves improved? Lastly, never embarrass him, especially by getting angry or using bad words.

Insya Allah this will work.

Situation two: After getting to know a new friend, he seems to try avoiding you

This is why first impression is very important.

Some psychology texts I’ve read before mentioned that it takes only around 30 seconds for a human mind to make up a first impression. What is worrying is that the first impression often decides how that new friendship is going to go on, either get better or collapse.

How to make a good first impression?

First, make a decent body languange. Never cross your arm on your chest because that shows (unconsciously) that you are trying to avoid any interactions. Stand firmly, smile a lot, and shake your hand firmly. Maintain a good eye contact.

Second, tell your name and ask his. REMEMBER his name (very important). Repeat his name in front of him many times as you speak to him. It is important to note that people like their name mentioned in front of them, especially by new friends.

Third, let him do most of the talking. You can do this by ASKING. Ask him about his biodata and so on, keep him talking about himself and you should listen attentively and with interest. If you find him to be better than you in something, learn from him by asking him how did he do it. NEVER FLATTER; always sincerely admit their talents and then sincerely try to learn from them.

For example, if you find out that this new friend of yours has a very nice car, ask him how did he maintain the car, about some tips on buying a good car and so on, and always show your interest in the subject. Let him talk about the things he liked, his interests or hobbies. Then ask their contact number just in case if you need any more advice. They’ll be more than happy to give it to you.

People will appreciate you if you appreciate them. You can show appreciation by becoming genuinely interested in them, not in yourself. This is particularly very important when you try to make new friends. Avoid telling too much about yourself, especially about your talents, unless if you’re being asked. Never boast and be humble. I really believe by this way you can make a very good first impression to any new friend.

Situation 3: A person is criticizing you heavily, you respond, only to make him criticize you even more.

The error here is not knowing how to respond to criticisms.

Yes, criticism is like a poison to a person’s heart (Well, not the biological heart, I mean the metaphoric one). Like I said earlier, people will hate you if you make them lose their pride. If you make them feel fine, they’ll like you.

Back to the issue. Whenever you are getting criticisms, although very rough ones, never respond without thinking the consequences of your action. DO NOT GET EMOTIONAL, because once you lose your cool it will be difficult to respond wisely. Think properly of the words that should be used.

The objective: make him agree with your point, not to make him lose. What’s the difference? If the person agree with you, that does not mean that his point is wrong, but the criticism will stop and he will respect you. But if you make him lose, he loses his pride and, psychologically speaking, will make him reject you no matter how right you are. He strongly wants to defend his dignity, albeit selfishly.

*Note: as muslims we should always be humble and lower our pride (see how wonderful Islam is? Its principles of human conduct is parallel with the understanding of human psychology).

So, here are the common steps in responding to criticisms:

First, sympathize with the person. Try to put yourself in his shoes, and see the issue from his angle. Understand why he disagree with you so much.

Second, describe to the person about how he is seeing the issue. Ask him to confirm whether you’ve clearly described it. Then, show your empathy. Apologize to him if you make any mistake to him in the past. Be humble and his stiff heart will ‘crumble’.

Third, explain to him why you think that you are not wrong (rather than telling him that he is wrong). Defend yourself, not attack him. At the same time always be patient, talk calmly and always give him chance to speak.

Finally, tell him he has the right to disagree and tell him you respect him as a fellow friend, and that you will not dare to criticize him back. Ask permission about your hope to get his advice in the future. Then, ask again for apology before ending the conversation.

By this way, insya Allah, that person can finally understand or accept your viewpoint. If you are proven to be right, he will agree with you. If the issue is still controversial, the person might just leave it as it is, and accept your disagreement with respect.

Here’s an important tip, as a sender, avoid criticizing. But as a receiver, answer any criticism with the objective of working towards mutual understanding, not winning over an argument. Respond with your mind, not emotions, because emotions often lead to bad results if you use them to make decisions.

Well, three situations for now. I’m telling all these from what I understand from some books. I still have many more to share, but since the time is lacking, I have to stop here. Hope we all can benefit from this. Corrections are welcomed.